War, Life, and Death

I have often stated that I hate this world.  Human beings are really good at treating each other badly. The invasion of Ukraine by Russia is as much an example of this as was the Invasion of Iraq by the US led coalition where over 4,300 civilians died.  So far, in the Ukrainian invasion, just under 500 civilians have lost their lives.  So, as I said, I do not like this world.

Here in the United States, as in other places, people simply live their lives.  The cycles are common.  Parents work hard to raise their families.  Many children grow into a rebellious phase between 13 and 25 years old before merging into the world of working for a living, where they soon become the next set of parents.  People go to college, start businesses, or join the civil service, or simply get a job.  We are entertained by sports and movies and mega stars, while others create art or local music based on their heart, not for fame or wealth. Still, others fight for causes, serve the community, and try to do good.  It's just life - clothes, food, shelter, enjoyment, peace, and the desire to accomplish a few things in life -you know, "do something good, feel something real." 

I'm convinced that what is transcendent about life is derived by an honest study of the Christian Bible.  The perspective and picture of reality one can extract from the four Gospels, the letters and the other accounts recorded therein really do paint a picture of the pain and anguish in this life, with the hope of an eternity that will be much better.  Where there are some good things in life to be sure, the cycle and pattern is consistent, birth, hopefully do many things, and die.  We all - prayerfully - will get 70, 80 or even 100 years on this planet, years filled with ups and downs, joys and sorrows, success and failure.

Atheistic worldview's can't logically anchor any absolutes for many real aspects of this life, including love, family, good, and evil - only that for the betterment of society and to continue our existence, we should care for each other and not try to kill each other... which of course war tries to do!

In fact, I just received a note from a friend who received a text from Ukraine. I have edited this down and removed any identifying information - it was originally translated into English from Russian and I changed it a little more to distance it from the original note the the message is the same:

Good evening, Please pray for us. You can’t imagine what it's like here. Our family is in a church building... By the grace of God we are alive…The city has been wiped off the face of the earth… It is completely destroyed; there is no electricity… there is no gas…. The gas pipeline was blown up.... There is no water….Shops are smashed and looted…Bombs have fallen just a few meters from the church, windows are blown out – but we are alive. … People have nowhere to live… corpses lie in the streets….By God’s grace they fed us twice in the church… Yesterday for the first time during this whole ordeal were able to bathe our children….May the Lord give the rulers wisdom and may they come to an agreement…. We don’t know how long we can live like this…. But God is with us and He is strong.

This is awful - it's terrible.  I have personally never had to endure anything like war where my entire community was physically destroyed.  This is what mankind does to each other!  Yet, notice the faith and hope in the text message.  Sure - my non-believing friends can chalk this up to a survival mechanism, but I think this person's faith is authentic.  This is and example of the transcendent aspects of life that reflect reality, a reality that is derived from the pages of scripture.  This allows you to acknowledge the dark side of reality while hoping for change in this life as well as the next.  To be sure, there is the frustration of wondering "where is God?"  I get that and I do not claim to have any simplistic answers.  As I've said, I am not and have not ever experienced anything like war.

This faith not a belief in some kind of virtual reality, but the actual reality,  the reality of war, life, and death.  Yet, this faith transcends all of this world, ultimately with a hope that goes beyond this life where justice is served perfectly. This faith explains that those who perpetuate the the man-made disasters that result from war will be held accountable; the results of famine, the millions of escaping refugees, the broken and destroyed lives, the billions of dollars of destroyed infrastructure and property. You see, if the God of the Bible does not exists, there is no justice.  As it is written, "If only for this life we have hope in Christ, we are of all people most to be pitied." (1 Cor 15:19).

So, if you are reading this and you believe in God at all, then please pray for Ukraine and for Russia.  Pray for the soldiers and the leaders - that they can turn to God and end this war, stop the bloodshed and begin to rebuild.  It's amazing how much can be destroyed in less than two weeks, and yet it takes years to rebuild.  If you have questions about Christianity, feel free to ask in a comment below, or send me a note:  fullerming at gmail dot com. (you have to put it together!)  

The 7 Principles to Avoid Self-Denial

Denial

 D.E.N.I.A.L  -  Don't Even kNow I Am Lying

Whan a person repeatedly commits sin against God, the cognitive dissidence it created in their mind and heart forces them to resolve it by denying reality.  I have, in the past spoke with a person I care about deeply who has left his spouse after repeatedly committing adulty and is trying to survive financially and emotionally.  The pain this person (I will not tell you if it a woman or a man, nor how long ago) has endured so far is self-inflicted.  Yet the justification for the decisions are incredible.

It is not the first person I have talked with who has done similar things.  When a person is in pain or dealing with the challenges of life and relationships, especially where intimacy is involved, they will lie, cheat, and steal to get what they THINK they want.  Often, when sex is involved, the feelings of intimacy deceptively run so strong and so deep that the self-deception is impossible for them to see.

The principles in the Bible are clear.  The prophet has said it plainly - "God hates divorce" and Jesus also stated the point without ambiguity quoting Genesis and saying, "A man shall leave his father and mother and cling to his wife and the two shall become one flesh" and he said, "whoever divorces his wife for any reason except sexual immorality causes her to commit adultery; and whoever marries a woman who is divorced commits adultery.”  And again, the Bible states in the inspired writings of Paul, "husbands, love your wives as Christ loved the church...."  Elsewhere it says, "The marriage bed should be kept pure." You can look these up in your own Bible or just search online - these are easy enough to fine.  

The principles are clear - a man who claims to follow God must learn to love his wife, no matter what.  Unless the wife is attempting to kill you, a man must learn to love her.  There are similar principles regarding a wife loving and staying faithful to her husband.  It is not easy - it is hard work and because all of us have a fallen, sinful nature, then unless you intentionally work on staying married, most people will drift apart and then end up hurting each other deeply and then getting a divorce. 

Although I'm focusing on marriage (because the person I'm thinking about is dealing with a failed marriage), the denial principle is true anytime people embrace some kind of sinful, ungodly practice.  It could be drinking, drugs, money, power, or fun - but usually, sex and relationships are involved.  The passions and desires take over, and we embrace something that makes us feel good (or that we think will make us feel good or make us happy) and we look for ways to justify it.  Anything we want as human being can easily take control and we will justify it and not know we are lying to ourselves.  

What is amazing today is how society will support our justification, especially when it

aligns with the fun and feelings that others also happily embrace. 

The part of this that I really don't like is how easily I myself can fall into the denial principle.  As Woody Allen put it, "the heart wants what the heart wants."  Logic and self-control go out the window and we look for ways to justify what we actually want.  It's amazing just how consistent this principle is. 

What, then are the 7 Principles to deal with this problem?

1.  Accept that You are Vulnerable

Accept that you can easily be led down the primrose path of being self-deceived.  No one is immune.  If you are human, you can experience a series of events over time that will cause to unconsciously start to deceive yourself.  Anyone deprived of food and sleep - unless they are really, really disciplined - can fall into being self-deceived to do something you currently think is unthinkable. It could be a little lie or a major crime or anyting in between - we can all fall.  If you accept that you can fall into some unthinkable behavior, then you are more likely to protect yourself and guard yourself so that you do not. 

2.  Surround Yourself with Like Minded People

For Christians, this should be the church, but you have to go all-in and build the friendships and relationships with people who are like-minded.  That is, if you don't want to fall into becoming an alcoholic or illegal drug user, then associate with people who also think it's really bad to be an alcoholic or an illegal drug user.  this doesn't have to be some arrogant, self-righteous effort.  do this, indirectly, keeping the intentional effort to yourself.  Don't boast about it, just do it. Over time, your closest friendships might change, but this priactice will definitely help you avoid falling into some behavior that you will regret or would really hurt you in the end.  

3.  Have Accountability in Friendships

Related to #2, you need one or two really good friends who share your values - i.e., are like minded but will actually confront you if you start to slip.  You see, we naturally get defensive, so it needs to be intentional, and you need to overtly give permission for this friend or these friends to tell you all about yourself.  Do this on purpose, not indirectly like #2 but directly and overtly with the person.  Have a conversation with them about what you need with regard to staying on the straight and narrow that you want to say on.

4.  Work on your Skills

If you never want to fall asleep driving, become a better driver and don't drive when tired.  If you want to not cheat on your spouse, then work on your marriage and learn how to be a better spouse.  If you want to not lie to yourself about why you got fired, then work on the skills be a great employee - both the technical skills required to do the job, and the soft, people/relational skills required to deal with the ups and downs of a job.  When you develop yourself, you become stronger so that when the temptation to lie, cheat, or steal shows up, you will not as easily give into the pressure.

5.  Take care of yourself physically

Eat right, stay fit, and get enough sleep.  We often give into the pressure of compromise that leads down the slippery slope of falling into some behavior we don't want when we are hungry, tired, or sickly.  Of course, you may have a chronic condition that you may have to manage your entire life.  If so, then manage it - do what you need to do to stay healthy.  Temptation is much easier to resist when we are physically strong. 

6. Develop Your overall Psychological Skills

 Similar to #5, you should also take care of yourself mentally.  That is, constantly grow and develop your psychological strength so that you are a mentally strong person.  Do this by reading good books on self-development.  Learn to deal with difficulties.  Develop your leadership skills.  Learn to care for other people.  From a Christian perspective, always read books and watch videos on how to become more like Jesus - to love others and to appropriately sacrifice for others.  Self-development helps you deal with the inevitable ups and downs of life.  Accidents happen, people die, companies go out of business, natural disasters occur.  If you grow in your ability to manage such things, you will be less likely to fall into some unwanted behavior due to the pressures of life. 

7.  Anchor on eternal principles of truth

This last one is both spiritual but also grounded in reality.  Appropriate love is right, inappropriate hatred is wrong.  Giving is right, stealing is wrong.  Telling the truth is right, lying is wrong.  loving your spouse is right, fighting all the time and eventually and getting a divorce is wrong.  Accepting yourself as you are physically is good and right, but hating your physical self is not good.  Healthy biological functions are right, denying such functions is not healthy - ask any doctor!  There are several values and issues of character that are, on a spiritual level, as true and as real as physical facts are.  Just like 2 + 2 = 4, it is a law that you reap what you sow.  It is a law that you love and respect your parents.  It is a law - an absolute principle of truth that you should appropriately submit to authority.  I have used the word appropriately several times and I don't have time to define what that looks like in the various points listed above.  Just know that there are universal absolutes with regard to values and morals.  As a Christian, these can be derived from principles in the New Testament. 

So, if you practice these 7 principles, you are less likely to end up in jail or dead or divorced or broke or homeless.  You will not fall into some undesirable behavior where in the end, it ends in pain for you, your family, or for society.  

Let me know what you think!  I look forward to feedback!